Published | Oct 1, 2024 | For That Shop New York
I've come to realize that a big portion of our self-worth is commonly tied to the opinions of others.
Whether it’s our professional achievements, creative by-products, or even our day-to-day experiences, there’s a constant pull to seek validation from the people around us.
why?!
First, I have to establish that no one came with an intricate life instruction manual.
Since childhood, we’ve been conditioned to seek approval. As kids, we looked to our family, teachers, and friends to tell us if we were doing things the “right” way. Of course, we thought we needed that as we have never been here before and look up to others, thinking they know better...
The problem is everyone forgot to tell us that they are also just winging it, and no one knows anything... there is no right/wrong way for anything as,
we exist in a state of constant change and evolution, beliefs/views/opinions unfold and grow with us too.
This search for validation follows us into adulthood and extends at an unprecedented rate through social media, seeking it from absolute strangers or very far-reach networks. It’s as though we need someone else’s confirmation that our life experience, our effort, our existence—is valid?
What is valid?
Who says what is valid?
The truth is no one knows and will never truly know your life experience and journey, period.
I believe we came here to create, whatever that may look like for you—whether it’s art, relationships, or career accomplishments. All creations are deeply personal and subjective; each carries unique experiences, beliefs, and perceptions that add value and meaning to everything we do.
No two people’s life experiences are the same, so why do we still look to others to validate something they can never fully understand?
I guess a lot of it comes from fear. We fear
1. failure
2. being wrong
or worse, 3. being seen as less-than.
(again, there is no
success/failure
right/wrong
better/less than as
1. everything is just a lesson
2. no one knows what they're doing
and 3. no one is better than anyone).
What you see as failure, being wrong, or being less-than is just a belief passed down by others, who, contrary to what we think, might not know better. You have the power to redefine these concepts based on your own experiences and learnings.
It's actually kinda funny because you spend hours overthinking about your work, your creations and their acceptance/reactions by others... when in fact people are too wrapped up in their own lives to spend time thinking about you. And if they do, you will never know. So why spend so much time/energy worrying about their opinions?
TRULY the most important and only opinion that should ever matter to you is your own. Your belief in yourself and your creations is the key to everything—if you don’t believe in the value/worth of your work, why should anyone else? and if you don't- why are you not fixing that?
If you don't buy your creation/product how do you expect people to do so?
The value of anything you create is inextricable to the value you attach to it, as you are the only person who knows what is behind it and what it means in your life. Your confidence in sticking to the true value of your creation will determine its success and acceptance by others.
A post that holds a big space in my heart:
'You are the first audience' | @create.repeat
When you create, do it for yourself first. Let it be a reflection of who you are and what matters to you, not a tool for seeking approval. People’s reactions will always be influenced by their own experiences and biases. What truly matters is how you see your work, how you feel about it, and the fulfillment it brings you.
The act of creation, whatever that means to you—whether it’s building a business, making music, or simply showing up as yourself in this world—takes courage. It takes vulnerability to put yourself out there without knowing how it will be received. But that courage is the real win. Every step you take toward being authentically yourself is a victory, no matter how many people see it.
Again, it's all about confidence; if you receive it well, it doesn't matter how other people receive it because you are the only one who is constantly judging and thinking about you (same for everyone else).
So next time you find yourself looking for validation from others, take a step back and remember: their approval isn’t what gives your life/work value. The only person who truly needs to validate your experience is you; you will forever only think about yourself and so will others.
Why do we want people to see us? If we all understand and see the world differently based on our unique life experiences?
Why do we try to validate our experience with other people? If no one has lived your life and will not fully understand the true story and value of anything you?
In summary-
Your goal in life is to create- period. whatever that means to you. Creating in your field, industry, home, friend group, social network, whatever space but ultimately create in your unique way/form/substance.
Everything we create is subjective because everyone has different opinions/likes depending on their life experience and beliefs.
No one nor their opinions are better than anyone's and no one knows what tf we are doing here.
Everyone reacts based on their own life situation/beliefs/experience so nothing should be taken personally as everyone has a unique life experience and understands things differently/forms opinions based on their story.
Everyone is thinking so much about themselves, (trust me) they are not thinking about you AND if they did you would never know (so it does not matter to you, they might as well not).
Ultimately, the only validation you need comes from within. Once you recognize and learn that, you’ll no longer feel the pull to seek approval from others.
Only the wise will continue.
Some deeper questions
If reality is a reflection of our inner existence, why do we constantly seek external opinions and approval?
This question gets to the core of how we experience the world. If everything we create and perceive is a mirror of what’s happening inside of us, shouldn’t our own validation be enough? Yet, we keep searching for it in others? Has someone reached that point of no seeking? That leads me to my next question:
If we are one, is this desire to be seen and understood by others- an effort to come together?
—to connect with others who share similar experiences? Or, is it simply an external, uncontrollable force, instigating us to seek something that’s out of our control and should be already within us? A lesson perhaps.
Why do we want people to see us? Do we not see ourselves- is that the answer? And so, that's why we can't see each other?
If I do(n't) see me, I am (un)able to see you?
If we struggle to fully understand and embrace our own essence, does that make it harder to see others? If I don’t see myself clearly, how can I ever fully see you?
This disconnect might explain why we sometimes feel unseen, even when we’re surrounded by people.
When we acknowledge and understand ourselves, we become better at recognizing and appreciating the unique journey of others and the important ways we can contribute to their excitement.
Surround yourself with people who see themselves and so recognize you doing the same and want to honor that.
As I remind myself of what it feels like to see me,
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